a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online Shippuden

Episode 3 - Kankuro Frikking Dies

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

Watch the Season 1 Intro here!

remember when sasuke fought Gaara and he screamed like a little girl after getting hit by lightning?

Remember when the gaara was like

“i was coughin’ up sand”

…

...because I was sand coffin’”?

Wait, why did I suddenly teleport in front of these two extremely attractive Sunagakure ninja?

Where even is Kaka–

WE’RE HERE BAYBEE

BEACH EPISODE

BEACH EPISODE

YEEEEEEE

Y’all ready to see some hot babes?

Excuse me sirs.

I’m not a sir.

Shut up Sakura.

I’m here to interrupt you. There will be no beach episode today.

Just occasional glimpses of fanservice for poo poos and giggles.

...and WHY NOT?

You mean we came all the way to the sand village

for NOTHING?

Uhh...

...And who would be in that team?

Well, first of all, none of the other guys.

Just you.

HAH! SUc.KERRRRR

gently caress.

so who am I ACTUALLY working with.

Hehe... Idontcare, it’s only been three years.

E...h…?

I, er…

...she’s pretty.

a pretty girl is talking to me.

Hi there!

oh. Hey.

Remember me?

Uh…

Don’t tell me you forgo–

...Generic Suna Nin, is that you?

You look waaaaaay different than before.

Yep! Been a little while, huh?

Yeah, we haven’t spoken since that time in the hospital…

I had to run back home, since my squad leader called me back for an emergency thing.

I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. I’m sorry if I–

No, it’s fine. I understand. So, more importantly.

What do you think of my Shippuden design?

...THAT’s your Shippuden design?

Yeah, decided I’d change my look up.

Whaddaya think? Am I manlier? More handsome?

You look… pffft…

Eh?

Hehehehe… hahahahahahaha!!

…

I’m so sorry, I just… hihihihihi! Oh man… those cats on your shoulders really nail it…

Haha… words cannot express how embarrassed I feel right now.

Don’t be!

I thought you never got embarrassed, you :b:.

...Besides…

I really needed a good laugh anyways. Things have been rough for me.

...You didn’t need to laugh so hard, though.

But YOUR post-timeskip design on the other hand is absolutely adorable.

You’re cute as a b3tton! I like it.

Hehe, thanks...

I didn’t change it because there’s more fanart of this character or anything…

which would make it easier to do visuals in the LP or anything…

Now now

break it up

There will be no fraternization between my students!

what the gently caress does “fraternization” mean

That’s for mature adults to do!

...to children.

…

...

…What?

...aaaaaaaaanyways... let’s go rescue kankuro

Wtf are these?

Puppets.

Sooooo… “pleasure” toys? *wink*

…

Are my jokes falling flat?

...like her chest? KEK

gently caress you, derps.

...I’m sorry. I’m not really in the mood.

Kankuro!!

There’s, uh, um... that guy.

Uh… did he do anything in this LP at all?

Erm…

no, not really, but he’s still Gaara’s brother!

Kankuro, are you okay?!

Ugh…

What happened out there?

FLAAAAAAASHBACK

NOW THAT WE KILLED GAARA NO ONE CAN STOP-

im here to stop you, you criminal scu––

Yo, hold up.

Is that puppet SHOOTING shuriken and kunai?

Is that even a gun?

Why is his head raised back like that? Is he-?

I have so many questions.

this game makes no sense doicare

now shut up, we’re interrupting the flashback

lets continue with the kankuro rear end-kicking montage

BALKSRJDLFBGC

PRESENT DAY

Kankuro’s dying here…

DASGFDLI:SBKVCHX:POALDCHOSK

That means they got away with Gaara...

*COUGH* *H@CK*

...No...

*DSGAFKD LKDSC* *DYING*

Eh? Erm, were you… particularly close to Gaara?

*BEEB* *BO0B* *STATUS ASTHMATICUS*

…

*** *kek* *boogers*

Eh?

Idontcare.

Erm, did I say something wrong?

*BOMBNBBMMBMBBGBRGLBRFLBRLGLRBRLG*

Idontcare, Gaara is...

he’s my boyfriend.

oh eternal sauna yes

we’re turning this into a

ROMANTIC COMEDYYYYYYY lololololololol

...w… wait, whATTTTT????!?!?

*GRLGRHLGHRLGHLRHGLRHGLRG*

Gaara of the Memes?! And you?!

Are you serious? Or are you meming?

I, uh… I never had a chance to tell you, since so much was going on, but…

...we started dating over the timeskip.

ASDFKLWEGHASLFK>HFSLKHGJASLFKGA

He’s a really sweet guy, when you get to know him.

...yeah...

And now he’s been kidnapped, and the culprits are nowhere to be found…

*CGOEKKHEGAGSTUP1DTIBB*

I’m so… I’m angry, and frustrated, and I’m such a mess and–

...Yeah.

I just… Can I… *sniff*

Can I have a moment?

...okay.

*cry* I just wish I… *sob* was stronger, and could…

*cry* protect him, and bring him back, safe and sound…

*CHOKE* *DLIKV>BAHDLBADF* *AASDLIGKASFLKAFSUVLAD*

I get it… things will be okay, GSN.

In time…

*crying*

Things will be alright.

*sniff* I hope you’re right…

*GLKBLSFFULBURLURLGURLGULUGURLGU*

…(No, they won’t. They won’t be okay.)

(Not now, at the very least… gaaah...)

(She… she has a boyfriend… and it’s the friggin’ Kazekage…)

*BLEEDING* *DYING* *POISON* *WHO CARES*

(gently caress, man. What do I do? My heart wants to leap out and commit seppuku…)

BLAGLURLUGLMIGLLUELUGL

(I don’t know… Perhaps none of what happened three years ago meant anything after all…)

Um, hello

Wtf do you want, you rear end in a top hat?

Can’t you see I’m busy?

Can you do your angsty teen drama monologue later?

I’m kinda, y’know, DYING here-

SHUT UP YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY MONOLOGUING

SMH KANKURO NO ONE CARES

...*cough*

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Quit being melodramatic.

It’s not like you could ever understand my pain anyways.

Why are you a Crimson Fist and not an edgy Midnight Blade?

a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online Shippuden

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

Hey, Idontcare?

…

Idontcare?

Huh?

Is there something on your mind?

You’ve been quiet ever since they brought Kankuro back to the hospital.

*DYING NOISES*

You look like you want to cry.

I mean, uh, what? I don’t cry.

I never cry. I’m not girly.

*COUGH HECK SHIRH FRICK TSCARECROW ARENA PVP SU3KS REAR END SNDSKLGFBHLKDF*

Did you know that girl well?

The one from Sunagakure who was relieved from duty to rest for the day after she went scouting with you?

*COUGH COUGH * DYGASDFKLDGSAFJL FRICK HELP*

...I thought I did.

I thought I meant more to her.

*KEK KEK MEME SPAM DY KCBLUARBLGLELL GLARGL*

Guess things changed when I was gone.

Or maybe I never knew her in the first place.

…

Man...

I think I need some dating advice…

It’s time to find a guru who can help me get out of this web of love…

*FDHGLSFDBHLKFHXAILDKFS.GXCVH NELAGKD.NJHEADFLK.HA*

Huh. I won’t pry too deep, master… but this seems to really be bothering you.

And I heard there was a guru of love in Sunagakure.

*THERE SHOULD ASDLFKGHDFBLU:VC: KEK COUGH MEME BE MORE F2P FRIENDLY LDKSHFDSLKJ EVENTS BLARHGLHRlGHlrGHLRHLGHL*

As a matter of fact, the s3xiest lady in the Narutoverse.

She can probably help you. Since she can seduce anyone, right?

…

FLKSAD>HBLSDKBHWPO:SDVJBWRLQSKFA

The S3x Goddess… Lady Chiyo.

kek.