Lady Tsunade, we got a report.

It had better be urgent!

Can’t you see I was catching up on my sleep...Imeanstudying?

So… Naruto’s boyfriend has been kidnapped.

There’s a little kiddie classroom note here to prove it, too.

So, yeah, besides that note, Orochimaru even left this video tape on DVD just for you.

HAHA! Tsunade, I have taken something precious away fro–

…

Can you hold the goddrat camera straight, Kimimaro?!

just… seriously.. hold–holdit-holdit-

HOLD IT STRAIGHT GODDRAT IT

GOD IT’S LIKE HAVING A DRUNK GUY HOLD THE CAMERA

uhh… sir?

the Danger Rangers drank like all our vodka before they left. Including Kimimaro.

So, uh, yeah, he really is drunk.

...I swear to drunk I’m not god.

*sigh*

Quick! Assemble our best and brightest!

We’re busy.

You’re not our best and brightest.

I cannot understand a word of what you’re saying.

Well then, send in our second best and brightest!

Busy.

Do we have a 7th Platoon?

Nope.

Well… who the eternal sauna do we have?

Oh, gently caress my life.

So, Sasuke’s been kidnapped.

According to Sasuke’s note and Naruto’s word, yes.

Naruto and Sakura. I have decided to join Orochimaru to follow the path of revenge and go after my brother.

Rest assured I came to this decision by my own will, and that I was in no way forced into this choice.

Do not come after me.

I will be okay.

There is no need to rescue me. I am doing this of my own free will.

Signed, Sasuke.

Wait…

This sounds like he WANTED to leave!

Naruto made it quite clear he was taken against his will.

Ohhhh, now I see it.

Now, here are the ones I have chosen for your mission.

They have all been hand-picked for very specific reasons.

You, Shikamaru, for your leadership and quick thinking skills.

Hey, did you know the word “queue” is just the letter “q” followed by four silent letters?

Neji, for his sweet Bakugan Battle Brawl skills and photographic memory.

Sick, yo.

Kiba, for his innate sense of tracking

Whoa! Who the eternal sauna said that!?

Naruto, for his endless supply of chakra and the fact that the show is named after him…

And… Choji.

Because… Choji?

We didn’t have anyone better than Choji.

...You know, I could spare Cain and Abel.

...Pfft.

A low-tier mission like this?

That’s what I call a waste of our talent.

Later, loser.

SASUKE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!?!

Why are you so shocked?! You kinda told me that, remembER?

Oh yeah, I forgot. who are you again?

...I haven’t been irrelevant for that long, have I?

I don’t have time for this. Do you waaaaaaana get him back or nooooooot.

YOU’RE DRAT RIGHT I DO! BRB.

TRANSITION IMAGe

So who else you got in mind for our Dream TEAM(™)?!

Dudes! How’s it hangin’?!

We’re off to rescue Sasuke! Want in?!

I dunno, is that a little dangerous?

Aww, come on! It’ll be an adventure!!

An Excellent Adventure?!

Uh… mm-hmm….

EXCELLENT!!!

*********

Dude. Lee.

I’ll totally help you during the surgery.

I’ll stay by you and help you get back on your feet.

I’ll even stop by the hot spring and get some killer hot X-ray photos of the ladies near there with my Bakyugan, just for you.

Cause man, we’re teammates.

HEY NEJI! We’re goin’ off on an adventure!

Come with?!

An excellent adventure?!

eternal sauna yeah!

With h0t chicks?!

eternal sauna YEAH!

EXCELLENT!!!

...

AAAALRIGHT WE HAVE OUR TEAM!

COME ON GUYS FOLLOW ME!

WE’LL GET IN SASUKE BACK NO PROBLEM.

Uh…. *WHO*’s wearing the s3xy chunin jacket?

Uh… is the show called Shikamaru?

No.

Then shut up and let’s get going.

Ok guys, let’s make one thing clear.

I don’t like Sasuke. In fact I’m kinda glad he’s gone.

But he’s a member of the leaf village so we have no choice.

So let’s just get this over with so I can go back to making really obnoxious puns.

Because it’s really hard to make puns over topics like “rescuing” or “handpick”.

RIGHTEOUS DUDE!

Your words are rockin’ my ears man.

Truly inspirational.

Uh… whatever.

WAAAAAIT TAKE ME WITH YOU!

No, you’ll just get in the way with your “sasuke sasuke i love you sasuke”.

NO, I CAN ACT TOUGH-

but sasuke

SAAAAAAAASUKEEEEEEEEE

see?

Hey, let me come too!

I’m the Main Character!

I haven’t had the chance to do like ANYTHING this episode!

=No, Idontcare.

I can’t afford to risk losing anyone I care about.

Don’t go.

...Well, why didn’t you encourage Sakura to go then?

The plot.

Don’t worry Sakura, we’ll get Sasuke back or everybody else but me will die trying.

YEAH!

...Wait. Wait what.

Off you go, to go retrieve Sasuke. Dead or alive.

What?

Oh, sorry, alive. Alive. I always get a bit carried away with that.

Tsunade, we took care of that runaway orphan.

Whatcha want us to do with that body?

Oh. oh dear.

Let’s go guys!

Byeeeeeeeeeee!

Now Sasuke, before we teach you how to activate Mighty Morphers, there’s something you must do…

I’m prepared to do anything.

Reeeeeally? Are you sure…

I’ll endure any pain to grow stronger.

Well, then… Prepare yourself, Sasuke.

...really? ARE YOU gently caressING SERIOUS?!

a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

Now hold on there, partner.

Who’s there?!

It’s just a redneck, that’s all.

Me and my SPAS-12 are about to give y’all a good ol’ fashioned bo0ty slappin–

...wait.

Where the eternal sauna is my shotgun?

WHO THE eternal sauna TOOK JESSIE?! WHO TOOK HER?

uh… genma?

WHAT IS IT?!

You know that the Fifth Hokage passed a law against carrying firearms around, right?

THAT’S BULLpoo poo! I HAVE MY SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS!

And, well, she thought you’d be a problem child, so she had Cain and Abel confisc@te your shotgun.

...you mean to tell me

I gotta fight all these jingos

WITHOUT MY JESSIE?!

drat YOU TSUNADE!!

...so are we gonna fight now, or what?

No, instead I’m just gonna spit mah toothpick at you to show how angry I am!

Alright, Danger Rangers! This man is a menace!

Let’s teach him a lesson in good and justice!

GO GO DANGER RANGERSSSSSSS

And so Shikamaru is off to rescue his puns.

Shikamaru's gonna find out next episode that he isn't the only one who makes puns...

I hate Dosu.

April fool's.

tf?rururururu