Okay, let’s get this old fart’s stuff out of here. This place smells like a nursing home!

I want this place disinfected and scrubbed!

What should we do with this box that says “cherished memories of Sarutobi?

Who would want that crap? BURN IT!

SON OF A…

Tsunade! You have to look at my friends who you said you’d heal last episode except not actually because we cut that part out!

*sigh* Okay, let’s go.

There’s Sasuke. I don’t know what’s wrong with him!

Let’s see…

Oh, I see the problem.

And I know the solution.

SASUKE WAKE UP!

Huh–:LSHGLAHDFBLAIFGLASFIGYLI

...Uh… why are you shoving your chest into his face to the point of asphyxiating him?

Because the only reason my character design would be like this is so that people can make suggestive jokes at my expense.

It’s ridiculous, to be honest.

Oh, and also this is how you heal guys. Everyone knows that, Shizune taught me that… wait it isn’t working.

...Shizune taught you what? O - O

Naruto, is your friend perchance…

...a hom0s3xual?

Uh…

That’s a good question.

Okay, let’s test this theory.

Who’s the biggest ya0i fan around here?

“omgf” said samui after he ws finished, and some fkin preps stared at her but she just stuck up her middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Omoi’s now) at them.

“I love you!” said omoi and then they started to kiss just like naruto and sasuke in that anime called naruto. Then they went away holding hands. Danzo shouted at them but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how s3xy they looked 2gether.

Sai, we need you to heal Sasuke.

How?

Just like, read him a fanfic or something.

Sure.

Anyways, this is Kakashi. You need to treat him too–

...wait, where even is Kakashi?

He said he was going out for a smoke… and probably got assassinated out there...

Ehh, he’ll be fine then.

TSHIUNADE COME SHEE LEE

Ugh, fine.

I’m sorry, but there’s too many bone fragments. It looks like my healing is doing nothing.

You literally just shoved your b0obs in his face again. That does nothing.

...It’s because there are too many bone fragments.

...You telling me we can bl0w up mountains, summon giant danger noodles, and copy ourselves 200 times and do really weird poo poo with ourselves…

BUT THE ISSUE OF A CRUSHED ARM AND LEG CONFUSED THE HELL OUT OF YOU?

Did I mention there were a LOT of bone fragments?

WELP SHORRY LEE

GUESSH 1TSH BACK TO WALMART FOR YOU

canoes are in aisle 5… no sir we’re out of alligator polish… no ma’am we don’t take napkins as currency…

Tsunade, we have a problem.

Problem a have we, Tsunade.

Oh god who the hell are you clowns.

We’re Abbot and Costello.

...No, we’re Costello and Costello.

Abel and Cain.

Fred and George.

Spongebob and Patrick.

Katniss and Pitabread.

Izumo and Kotetsu.

Wait, so if you two are Abel and Cain, does that mean one of you is gonna kill the other?

The only place Caintetsu has killed anyone… is in the bedroom.

...What the fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

This just proves that being Anko’s subordinate pays off.

LEE! I THOUGHT ID FIND YOU SHULKING UP HERE!

Guy-sensei! Now I can’t be the ninja I wanted to be, eh!

NONSHENSHE! OF COURSHE YOU CAN! YOU’RE GOING TO PROVE THAT BIG CHESTED DOCTOR WRONG.

I WANT YOU TO GET UP AND DANSHE!

Guy-sensei, she said if I moved–

DAMMIT LEE, I SAID DANSHE!

C’MON, HAVE I EVER BEEN WRONG ABOUT ANYTHING BEFORE?

Well…

5 DAYS AGO

KAKASHI! IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER BATTLE OF WITS TAHT ONLY TRUE MEN CAN DISPLAY!

AND I BELIEVE ITS MY TURN TO ISSUE THE CHALLENGE.

do i really have to do this im tryina get high right now

ASH A MATTER OF FACT YESH. YESH YOU DO.

AND THE CONTEST THIS TIME IS…

SEE WHO CAN GET. THE MOST NAKED!

uh. what?

AND ONCE AGAIN KAKASHI, YOU LOSE!

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH MY EYE!!!!

I CANT EVEN UNSEE BECAUSE OF THE SHARINGAN AAALKDSHGLAKFHBLA:FBHAF:L

OKAY, GOOD POINT, GOOD POINT.

I DID IT!

WHAT DID YOU DO?

YOU FOUND A WAY TO MAKE THE PROCEDURE FLAWLESS?

Well no, but I did raise the probability of success.

OOOH! HOW HIGH? 90%? 85%?

Well, before it was 50%, and now it’s 51%!

THAT-=THAT’S NOT BETTER AT ALL!

ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU SPENT ALL THAT TIME JUST FOR 1%?

It was a very hard earned 1%

but now I know that you have to wash your hands before surgery!

Lee, take the surgery. If you die…

Tenten will die alongside you.

Don’t you mean you, eh?

I KNOW WHAT I SHAID!

Besides, Tenten is like an angel with no wingsh!

So… a normal person, eh?

ELSEWHERE

You look happy, Idontcare. Did something good happen?

Can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

Shino tripped over a fence and fell.

I think I pulled a muscle…

Well you can’t pull what you don’t have.

…

ADLDIC editors note: if we had a photo of earth main dabbing we'd put it here for meme's sake

Do you ever plan to grow up?

Not if I can avoid it, no.

...

...hey?

Generic Suna Nin, is that you?

Huh? Idontcare?

Good to see you again.

Ah… you look terrible. Did you just go through a tough fight?

Huh? I never look terrible. Must you attack me so harshly with words?

Want me to use rocks instead?

...Were you always this… sharp-tongued?

Nah, I’ve been taking private lessons from Gaara of the Memes.

private lessons

...Well.

Oi, all of you are *phobic!!

Wait, how?

I’m gay and ALL OF YOU are in my way!

...Alright, why don’t we walk down to the hospital and say hello to Sasuke then?

I think the last time that guy spoke in this LP was like, episode 10.

I guess he deserves some love.

Sure!

…

…

…

...You know, Idontcare, I’ve been trying to make some teas.

What’s your favorite kind of tea?

Honesty.

Integrity.

Loyalty.

Uh… can I have a normal answer?

Heh… well I’m a pretty basic lad. Simple green tea’s my type of poo poo.

*achoo!*

Ah - bless you, it’s getting cold. Want my... er, sleeveless… coat… battle armor thing?

Thanks…

No problem.

You know…

...I’m already blessed every moment I spend with you.

...Ah…

Idontcare…

Generic Suna Nin…

a derps life…

Wait wtf are you doing here this is my moment get the hell out of here

Oh, uh… what are you doing here anyways, GSN?

I’m the Suna-Konoha ambassador now.

I’ve got political business here.

So they let a… 16 year old do politics?

Age is just a number.

Isn’t that what all the *s say?

...What’re you implying here, eh?

Nothiiiiiiing.

Anyways, how’ve you been?

Quite alright, actually. They sent me to do an assassination job in the Mist Village.

I think I killed the 3-Tails or something.

Well, I got to beat up a snake man with a giant bug.

...What the actual christ?

He told me a story, too. Listen to this.

Okay, so three guys are hiking through the woods when they find an old lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms “You have finally freed me after all these years, so I’ll grant each one of you 3 wishes.”

The first guy immediately blurts out “I want a billion dollars.” *, he’s holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50.

The second man thinks for a bit, then says “I want to be the richest m*ive.” *, he’s holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.

The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says “I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life.” *, his arm starts rotating.

The Genie tells them it’s time for their second wish. First guy says: “I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth.” *, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.

Second guy says “I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want.” *, his looks change and the first guy’s wife immediately starts flirting with him.

Third guy says “I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die.” *, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.

The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.

First guy does, and after a while says “I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die.” *, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don’t bother him any more.

Second guy says “I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever.” *, he looks younger already.

Third guy smiles triumphantly and says “My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth.” *, he’s now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.

The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.

Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.

First guy is ecstatic: “I’ve invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I’ve never gotten so much as a cold in all these years.”

Second guy smiles and says “Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I’m still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven’t aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed.”

Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: “Guys, I think I gently caressed up.”

Are we going to do *anything* this episode besides telling jokes?

No. Of course not.

I mean c’mon this is how people spend Valentine’s day right?

...

Oh come on.

a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

happy *sigh* BELATED valentine’s day you lovely truckers

and uhh

wish me luck trying to play matchmaker for doicare

lol

Oh yeah, almost forgot.

Season 5 hype baby! That's right, we gonna get some more Danger Rangers up in this house.

I saw that Valentine's thing, by the way > . >

Heh. Good luck, I suppose.

That guy must have had some big ambitions that need constantly rotating limbs.

It is about time for the end of the original series, will (presumably) season 6 be called "ADLDICLPNO Shippuden?"

I just realized this but uhh yesterday was our First Official Anniversary and derps and me did nothing.

Don't worry we gonna finish an episode by the weeeeekend.

Season 6 might end up being the addition of a new letter to the acronym. Maybe it'll be ADLDICLPNOS. Or maybe it'll just be like what you said. Who knows man.

In the meantime

HERE'S A TRAILER TEASER FOR THE FIRST EPISODE OF SEASON 5

I’ve had enough of you.

I…

...uh…

...you know, the only thing I can really complain about is the rasengan and that stup1d toad who always says “gently caress” again and again.

HEY YOU LEAVE GAMAgentlycaressTA OUT OF THIS!

Now put your headband on and fight me already!

Don’t tell me what to do. We’re not equals. I’ll prove that.

You’re NOTHING.

You’re not even worthy of being called Naruto.

From now on, I’m going to call you…

Don’t you dare.

BORUTO’S DAD.

…