Oh boy.

There’s gonna be something up, I know it.

The only reason an important character like me would be sent out on patrol is because something is up.

Hey guys, what’s u–

...Asuma, do you think there’s something up with those two? They seem… evil.

Yeah, they’re definitely sketchy, Kurenai. Can you listen in on their conversation? *cough* *smoke* *cough*

Hmm…

I’m telling you, Itachi, it’s not gonna happen!

And I’m telling you you’re full of crap. FISH CRAP!

Why don’t we ask this guy?

Huh? Me?

Hey there, buddy ol’ pal! I’ve got an anime question for you!

What?

If Hideyoshi Kinosh1ta from Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu is his own gender and not a trap, does that make you gay if you like him?

Yes. Yes, it totally does. Traps are gay.

What?! No! What the eternal sauna, Itachi? He’s not a trap if he isn’t a dude! He's a Hideyoshi!

...But he is a dude. Remember? He even says himself that he’s a dude.

...See? He agrees with me.

…*grumble grumble*

Here’s your drat 5 bucks.

...See? That shows it. They’re evil.

What do you mean, Asuma?

See that guy who said traps are gay?

He’s totally evil.

...Doesn’t that make Idontcare evil too, going by that logic?

...And are you saying you like traps, Asuma?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you look really nice in that New Year’s kimono event thingy, Kurenai… anywayslookthebadguysarecomingourway

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE YOU VILLAINOUS S3UM

So, you finally recognized us. What gave it away? The Akatsuki cloaks? The evil chakra?

You said traps were gay.

lol that translation

no doubt “please look after me” is just a super direct translation of “yoroshiku onegaishimasu”

You sure he isn’t just a really, really nice and pleasant villain?

hahahahahaha thats a good one doicare

Nah, I think he’s not even a villain! *smoke*

Itachi on the other hand…. :sus: *cough* *smoke*

ME? I’m a villain? You’re literally doing drugs AS WE SPEAK!

That’s pretty villainous you know. Don’t do drugs kids.

At least I didn’t, you know, murder my entire family except my brother!

At least I don’t, you know, do drugs!

...I don’t know what’s worse…

Aren’t these guys Akatsuki? They’re supposed to be criminal masterminds.

...You sure we have the right Akatsuki here? These jokers… don’t seem to be criminal masterminds. Just a bunch of idiots…

Wow. I’m sorry, who’s the villain here? You’re literally threatening our lives.

YOU SAID TRAPS ARE GAY! YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST TYPE OF VILLAIN OUT THERE!

…*sigh*

Okay, Kisame. I’ve got a job for you.

What do you want.

Break the street with your sword so that we can show off how powerful we are and how ridiculously heavy it is.

Fiiiiiiine.

Excellent. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Finally, me and Asuma get a *real* fight scene!

Hey guys, I’m here to save the day.

drat it.

Don’t worry guys, leave this to me. I know just what to do.

Hmm…

Nice try.

What the…?

That’s right. Your Ston3r Style Jutsu can’t hurt me, because I’m protected by my monocle!

Oh, and this fake moustache too.

Guys, watch out. He’s about to use his Mangekyo Sharingan. I’m the only one who can take this attack, because I’m a main character.

WAIT I’M THE MAIN CHARACTER

...Wow.

See, look, it was no–OH GOD WHY

AAAARGH!

You’re in my Genjutsu now.

...And now I’ll force you to listen to Work Harder at 50% speed.

For 72 hours.

ALKSDHGASDGLA>FSHLBAELDFH><AERDFSLIGKHSLDGIFSDF

Uh-huh.

Not so tough, are you?

Yeah, he totally screamed like a little girl.

YES! IT’S ME! MIGHTY GAI!

Oh hell no not you.

OH HELL YES YES ME!

AND I AM AN EXOTIC BEAST! I FLY LIKE A BEE AND STING LIKE A TIGER!

Uh… that’s not how the saying is, is it?

...Kisame, we’re wasting time here.

Let’s go. a derps life can’t make any more jokes about this scene.

*sigh* fiiiine.

Now go back and report to Anbu Captain so Kurenai and me can have some nice peace and quiet.

What about that idiot drug-sensei?

He’ll be fine. He’s a main character.

laslkhdghsfldxkbahdflbfskzxbjlfdbkjsflhkyluhuhuhuhuuhhuaslfk

Ya see? Just fine.

...And who are you gonna send? And what are you even gonna check?

You know, the ANBU are just really incompetent and–

Relax. I’m sending someone big and important.

Who is it?

Hey.

...Oh god, it’s that time, isn’t it?

yes doicare

it’s that time

5 MINUTES LATER

Um, hello?!

HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

Uh…

5 MINUTES AGO

Yeah, so we’re not gonna tell Sasuke that his brother’s back in town, right?

Yeah.

Oh hey guys.

Hey Sasuke, uh, um, why are you here?

I’m out shopping. I wanna buy the new One Direction track while its on sale.

Oh, well we’re just chillin’.

Nothing su*ious at all.

…

…

...Aaaaaaaanyways, uh…

Yes.

Now it’s my time to shine!!

DOOOOOOOOR NO JUTSUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

...Someone is going to die tonight.

Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL

AOBA WHAT THE HELL?! YOU MADE SASUKE’S SPEECH CAPABILITY DEVOLVE UNTIL ALL HE CAN SAY IS “KILL”!

Hehehe… sorry guys. I didn’t know.

(Yes… and now the first step of my ultimate Plot no Jutsu master plan is complete…)

(Excellent… muahahahahaha!)

THE PRESENT

...What the eternal sauna was ANBU [B]aptain smoking to have chosen gently caressing AOBA OF THE DOOR

for this secret mission?

uh heheheheheh…

a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

...Who are you going to send?

uhhhhh…

Someone good, right?

...gently caress.

Itachi with a mustache LMFAO

Tactical TonTon!

Are we gonna get Mustache Itachi in game? Tencent pls.

Ok no- we need Aoba a lot more. Just after Dosu.

This episode is dedicated to one of our forumgoers who is no longer with us, the one and only Scarbucks Coffee, the Aoba lover. May you open doors just like Aoba, wherever you are right now.

Imagine that, a Mustache Itachi alt. xD His standard is just freezing people in place by the flamboyance of his stache.

I wonder if Aoba's secretly the leader of the Akatsuki, putting forth a plan to do something something evil for the sake of doors.

Oh please, he did Konoha's a favour, making Sas leave the village

Maybe it was a part of his master plan.

Sasuke has a very special ability, the ability to see people. Such an ability is a threat to Aoba's plot to take over the world.

Heh heh, I'm flattered. An episode all about my boi? :0