disclaimer: i was trying to be funny, dont take anything seriously. please.

key word here is "trying". i've never written humor before, except for in that one other post. i tried to make it either funny or st00pid. not sure which one i succeeded in.

also to the mod, again my apologies in advance if i accidentally crossed the line with this post without realizing it. i was just trying to make a joke

okay it's time for some more SUMMARY

anyway the team goes back and the next arc starts. adhd nardo is fooling around with his adhd kid friends when they meet mascara guy, fangirl, and face paint guy. they get entered into these ninja exam things, along with chronic smoker’s team and chronic smoker’s waifu’s team. now as it turns out kakashi actually ripped off his infamous blood vessel popped eye from chronic smoker’s waifu, who actually has TWO bloody eyes. she also seems to be wearing toilet paper for some reason

so before the test these two living prop dudes block the way. we meet bruce lee, xray vision guy, and generic filler female character. see there’ll be a pattern here since there will be more generic filler female characters later. ooo.

bruce lee reks adhd nardo and challenges emo guy to a fight but before things get uber serious bruce lee #2 shows up riding on a turtle very seductively. they make love in front of everyone.

so everyone goes to the exams. we meet a nerd who waves his pokemon trading cards around and disses the smallest, least important village in existence. fluffy mummy guy, bl0w dryer, and generic filler female character #2 overhear this and beat up nerd guy without even hitting him ooo magic.

then the proctor for the exam shows up and he’s got this creepy villain trenchcoat and this weird villain bandanna and he kinda looks like a villain in general. he’s also got this little troupe that probably lick his feet all the time, including the two living prop guys and a guy who has the top of his head wrapped in toilet paper he stole from chronic smoker’s waifu

they p@ss out this sheet of paper with some ink on it. the proctors decide to make things dangerous and start randomly calling people out for “cheating”. this inspires everyone to cheat and so everyone cheats to p@ss the test.

this is totally promoting cheating isn’t it

parents are gonna be mad now… uh oh. we gotta distract them with some action shonen stuff.

so then we meet best girl who’s the second proctor and she practically jumps into the room through a frickin window and asks everyone if they want to gently caress. the actual activity takes place in the next arena zone, the forest of death. nardo does a dumb dance about the forest of death to distract people from the cheating that happened on the first test.

everyone signs their activity consent forms saying that no one will sue if they die in the forest. a guy in a straw hat tries to molest best girl but gets roasted and rejected because his tongue is too long and would probably get her pregnant.

so ten minutes into the forest nardo announces to the world that he needs to pee because everyone needs to know everything about him since he’s the shonen protagonist and runs off into the bushes. somehow in the thirty seconds that he’s gone, he gets attacked by a former smoker who seems to have an ident1ty crisis and thinks he’s a superhero. so this former smoker attacks emo and garbage can’t, but emo uses his powers of linkin Park to make the smoker’s lungs burn up

emo decides that he can’t trust either of them and makes a super simple code to ensure trust. they get conveniently separated again just so they have an opportunity to use the code. nardo reports the simple code, but emo calls him out for knowing the code since everyone knows nardo failed in school and probably can’t remember something that complex

nardo removes his disguise. plot twist: it’s actually not nardo. whoaaaaa it’s the straw hat pirate guy who molested best girl. i mean with introducing so many characters at one time you never know which one can be relevant. so in theory it could be anyone.

because the series needs to get “wilder”, nardo gets eaten by a giant snake but uses his adhd pills to cause a severe allergic reaction in the snake’s body and makes it explode

bloom

i mean boom

the straw hat pirate guy takes one of the scroll thingies and wraps his tongue around it and shoves it gently and slowly down his throat. if that’s not alluding to anything then i’m an idiot. realizing that this guy is serious, especially since he just lewded the scroll, emo and garbage cant try to run away. emo has a serious critical existence failure when he starts to think about how the straw hat guy lewded the scroll in the middle of the fight and suddenly stops; nardo has to save him, which ends up helping spark this whole arc about him running away spoiler alert that happens at the end much later.

nardo accidentally drops his master ball and strawhat guy turns out to actually be michael jackson. so michael jackson puts a piece of duct tape over it before giving emo guy a hickey and running away. emo guy is so embarr@ssed by this that he faints. at the same time, best girl anko finds some dead bodies in a grave yard oh noooooooo

so best girl somehow connects dead bodies to michael jackson and she goes to track down strawhat guy. but then anko realizes that hes actually michael jackson in horror and is unwilling to strike down one such as legendary as michael jackson so shes just like whatever and leaves

bruce lee smokes weed and bl0ws up squirrels in the forest while garbage cant makes herself useful for the first time in this goddrat series and takes care of nardo and emo while they’re unconscious. then fluffy mummy guy, bl0w dryer, and generic filler female character #2 show up and declare that they are emo-fighters (tm). they ask VERY POLITELY to kill emo, except well bl0w dryer since he’s a bl0w dryer and he cant be polite

garbage cant calls them out for being underlings of michael jackson, and the three of them are horrified by the hickey their master gave the emo because it’s considered toxic to touch emos in the emofighter community. enraged by their master’s behavior they decide to take out their anger on garbage cant since she’s a garbage bin, but bruce lee comes out of nowhere making bruce lee noises and knocks em all down

bruce lee shouts WACHAAAAAAAAAAA HAI-YAAAAA and uses his super move on the fluffy mummy guy, but fluffy mummy guy’s coat is so fluffy that bruce lee just starts stroking it like a kitty cat in the middle of the fight

and they hit the ground like loving halberds. and bl0w dryer since hes a bl0w dryer uses his swiffer wetjet (tm) to save them from getting rekt by the ground.

but fluffy mummy guy has seen enough bruce lee movies to know his weakness and makes bruce lee throw up using that secret weakness. bruce lee dies but he’s a great actor so he didnt actually die

now this whole time fat guy, insomniac, and whiny girl have been alerted by the Neighborhood Watch(TM) that some emofighters are around and decided to watch from the trees like creepy stalkers. they decide to intervene for some reason

anyway, insomniac uses his insomniac powers to freeze mummy guy in time while he sleeps, and fat guy gets even more obese and tries to roll over the bl0w dryer. but since he’s a bl0w dryer he just bl0ws him away. whiny girl uses her freaky friday powers on generic filler female character #2 after she says some generic villain stuff and makes her at least 50% more whiny by rewiring her from the inside

but then the tables turn dun dun dunnnnn

emo wakes up, humiliated and enraged by the humiliation of the hickey. bl0w dryer makes a derogatory/racist comment about emos and emo gets pissed and bitshslaps bl0w dryer so hard that his frickin arms fall off. then he seriously reconsiders mummy guy’s alive status. mummy guy realizes that his 7-day trial of netflix is about to expire and wants to watch a show called nardo, so he picks up his dying teammates and runs away

meanwhile, we finally get to see BATMAN actually do something oh wait sike he just watches like a creepy stalker

okay there’s actually a lot of creepy stalker watching here. i mean there’s creepy stalker girl, then there’s xray vision guy, then there’s the guy with creepy stalker gl@sses and even michael jackson too, and team fat guy/insomniac/whiny girl and generic girl #1 who just watch the fight from the trees

thats a lot

so team batman runs into team eye shadow, where mascara guy fabulously fights these three guys who are trying to be japanese geishas by holding lots of umbrellas. but i think they have lung cancer or something since they’re carrying huge oxygen tanks around O.O

anyway these three geisha guys try to use their fabulously geisha powers on mascara guy but he blocks it with this big wall of facial powder and eye shadow and drugs.

so mascara guy has a dance dance revolution-off with the geisha doods and since he’s so amazing he reks them and accidnetally kills them in the process. yes i did just make a nardo abridged reference, i mean come on i’ve been doing a decent handful of them.

anyway realizing that mascara guy’s ddr powers are even stronger than his own, the adhd carbon copy of nardo has a panic attack

nerd dude shows up again since he gotta get some screen time and he’s upset that team nardo is hogging the spotlight. they continue through the forest and stumble upon former smokers anonymous. for some reason just like that guy they fought, all the people at the former smokers anonymous look like wannabe superheroes.

so after spending the day with former smokers anonymous they ignore the convention and just keep walking and get to the third exam, which is proctored by this guy with a sword who basically has some disease that kinda looks like EBOLAIDSBETES which is a combo of ebola, aids and diabeetus

the nerd guy’s teammates show up here and they all are nerds like him. but i guess they were so ugly that they needed clothes to hide their faces though, which i guess explains their weird clothes

so nerd guy chickens out cause he’s afraid that hes gonna get beaten up by fluffy mummy guy and bl0w dryer again, even though bl0w dryer has no arms and no electricity source i mean come on this is the forest this is the wilderness where you gonna get electricity.

jk theres a computer in the forest of death tower

ebolaidsbeetus guy whips out a computer out of his pants and stands in front of these huge fingers. he gets the computer to set the matches up so they’re most convenient for the plot. as such, emoboi is up.

now emo boy is still pretty shaken up from his hickey, especially since michael jackson left a big bloody mark there and its kinda scary. even worse, he has to fight one of nerd guy’s teammates, who has the same creepy stalker gl@sses. as it turns out he’s a huge tabletop rpg weenie and legit believes that he can succ life out of people with his hands

so he tries it on emo, and of course fails because emo is an emo and emo doesn’t care about rpg crap like that

next match is one of the most epic fights in the series. here we finally get to see BATMAN in action against… bl0w dryer. BATMAN urges bl0w dryer to forfeit since you know he’s going up against the great BATMAN and doesn’t have either a power cord nor a functioning arm since he got bichslapped so hard his arms fell off, and bl0w dryer has a traumatic flashback about his childhood as a swiffer wetjet before revealing that he can operate without a cord and his arms are fine.

batman shoves a bat bomb into his arms and he bl0ws up

bloom

next up is face paint guy versus nerd guy teammate #2. now nerd guy teammate #2 is actually stretch armstrong in disguise, and he’s out for revenge for who knows why. but facepaint guy is the master at jukes and jukes him out with his ugly af face paint powers. seriously he looks really bad

he looked so bad that one glare from him broke all of nerd teammate 2’s bones

now the computer decides to be a troll with these next few matches

it puts up the two most worthless characters against each other: whiny girl and garbage can’t. absolutely nothing happens in the match while ebolaidsbetes guy starts coughing himself to death from impatience

and the next match isnt even important because who cares about generic female teammate #1

next match is insomniac vs generic female teammate #2. so this girl throws some bells and strings at the insomniac and he basically falls asleep. generic female teammate #2 realizes that no one cares about her enough to take her seriously and knoks her head against the wall and loses

wat

now here’s where things get interesting: we have adhd nardo versus furry adhd nardo aka his evil twin. at first things are ok but nardo’s evil twin CHEATS and makes two of himself come and attack regular nardo.

then nardo uses the most epic move in the entire series, wind style fart. he completely obliterates furry naruto, bl0ws him and his lil clone out of the park we got a new world champion here guys calm down we still have more to go.

creepy stalker girl has a big moment of character while fighting xray vision guy, who probably tries to do pervy things to her in the middle of the match since he’s probably a huge perv. she gets so overwhelmed by this that her character development explodes and she almost dies

xray guy is about to lewd her some more, but ebolaidsbetes guy gets in the way and infects him with some severe EBOLAIDSBETES but it doesn’t take effect until like the fourth great ninja war where he dies

spoiler alert

then we have bruce lee vs mascara boy/ddr master and there’s this super dramatic sick dance-off, except mascara boy tries to cheat by throwing drug powder into bruce lee’s eyes. bruce lee is like “this isnt even my final farm HIIIIIIIYAAAAA” and takes off some toilet papers off his arm. but mascara boy encases bruce lee in drugs and he has a huge overdose and needs to be taken to the hospital

finally, the final match…

suspense

lots of suspense

jk it’s fluffy mummy vs fat guy, and fluffy mummy dude basically just touches fat guy and he bl0ws up

like wut

sometime over here mummy guy has a character development too, but it kinda doesnt matter to the plot as a whole so whatever shots fiyerd dosu

anyway ebolaidsbetes dude send everyone away to train and stuff since the finals will happen in a month. nardo starts training under one of those guys with creepy stalker gl@sses who then gets promptly replaced by a super pervert whos actually a lion in disguise. i mean look at that majestic mane

so he teaches nardo to be JESUS and walk on water, then he shows him how to open his pokeb@lls and let the ninetales out. he also gives him a seismitoad and a palpitoed too… or something like that idk. the seismitoad is a huge chronic smoker tho

and kakshi kidnaps emo and teaches him how to steal copyrighted images off of google, like lightning bolts

meanwhile, mascara guy was doing his eyeshadow on the roof of a castle one night when mummy guy walks up to him and asks for some extra toilet paper. mascara guy accidentally interprets this as a request for drugs and buries mummy guy in drugs. he suffers a huge overdose and dies instantly

nearby, nerd guy is watching, along with mascara guy’s overseer. this overseer dude is actually super ugly, so he stole all the toilet paper and used it to cover half his face. nerd guy starts playing dungeons and dragons with ugly toilet paper guy, but then ebolaidsbetes guy comes along and is like “omg can i play” and ugly toilet paper guy is like “no f off you’re gonna infect us with ebolaidsbetes” and ebolaidsbetes guy is like “oh come on it’s not that bad” and promptly dies of EBOLAIDSBEETUS

so the finals begin, and since ebolaidsbeetes guy is dead he gets replaced by this southern farmer dude. mascara guy sells some drugs to two bystanders and they die of overdose.

nardo fights xray boy who is somehow unable to see nardo through the ground despite having xray vision. xray boy has a character development and vows to be the best pervert in the world despite having ebolaidsbetes

the next match was supposed to be emo vs mascara ddr drug dealer, but emo’s fashionably late so they try to move on. but face paint guy claims that he is too busy doing his face paint to fight (even though he probably was just scared of BATMAN) so that match gets skipped.

next match is fangirl vs insomniac. insomniac quits because he wants to sleep.

emo kid finally arrives and manages to attack drug dealer mascara boy through his wall of drugs and eye shadow. drug dealer is traumatized since all of his stock just got rekt by a photo of a lightning bolt that kakshi found on google images.

then a smoke bomb goes off in the stands. insominac talks nerd guy into putting him to sleep magically, but he accidentally puts the entire stadium to sleep.

NEXT UP: THE LEGEND HIMSELF, AOBA OF THE DOOR, FINALLY MAKES HIS APPEARANCE!