a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online Shippuden

Episode 19: Godtetsu and Izugod

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

What do you mean “allow me”? I never wanted this.

And what the gently caress do you mean by “even me”?

I can take on two Akatsuki members lickety-split.

...lickety-split?

WHATEVER YOU GET THE POINT

Doubt.

Whaaaaat?

I’m literally your best operative.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you can take on two Akatsuki on your own, just as you claim.

The problem is that this hypothetical claim is likely to be false. See, you can’t even grow a beard like Asuma can.

You fail at this totally simple task, yet claim that you can do a much more complex one. Curious.

Shut up, Tsunade Shapiro.

Heh.

Pfft.

You called?

I’m not too worried about any of you dying.

After all, you guys have Aoba the Door God on your side.

‘Sup.

...oh

How long has it been since you were onscreen again?

...Since the Door Incident, probably.

Anyways, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Door God Aoba can literally control the plot.

You’ll be fiiiiiiine and no one will die.

Yes. Definitely.

Hey Derps.

I never noticed this before.

eh?

Why is the Kakashi book thing right here?

idk man

jiraiya do be a pretty big deal tho owo

...Did you just owo.

…

ok

ok but you have the literal cat skin soooooooooooo you’re one to talk

friggin’ furry

...Says you.

i like anko

Chill, we’re fiiiiiiiiine.

yeah but–

Didn’t you hear Tsunade? *cough*

We’ve got Door God on our side.

No one will die today.

How do you know?

Well, you have two of the most powerful individuals in the Narutoverse here.

In our amazing presence, how will they ever stand a chance?

You’re lucky we’ve decided to grace you with our companionship.

...by “most powerful” you’re referring to me and Hanabi, right?

No.

Aww c’mon!

You’re powerful!

...I mean… yeah, but also no. I literally only have 4 skills.

...poo poo.

Oh hey, there was a clue like 5 feet away.

HEY @SSUMA!

WHAT *cough*

HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE THIS PIECE OF EVIDENCE

THIS VERY CONVENIENT SCROLL DROPPED LIKE A FOOT AWAY

LOOK MAN

JEEZ YOURE INCOMPETENT

MAN LISTEN

WHO PUT YOU ON TEAM LEADER?

I SHOULD BE TEAM LEADER

Dude.

Just listen.

What.

Look man. *cough*

I smoked like, 3 tons of weed before this mission.

I’m like, super freakin’ high right now.

…

Duuuuuuuude.

You like weed? Dope.

oh come on that doesn’t even count as a pun

that’s the lowest hanging fruit I’ve ever seen!!

Well, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

INTERMISSION:

Oh hey, zetsus that copied Konohamaru.

Yes.

With my Wh!te Powers I can make an Anglo-Saxon version of any Japanese person here.

ADLDIC Note: holy poo poo Wh!te Power triggers the forum censor? Who would've known?

And I can control those copies remotely to do whatever I want!

...except they’re WHITE.

And out of all the people that you could’ve copied… you chose KONOHAMARU?

Yes.

Why? He su.ks HUGE rooster!

Because little children are very easy to manipulate!

Isn’t that right, mind slave?

Whatever you say, Thomas the Tank Engine!

...oh my god I’m surrounded by dumb people.

Says you.

Heh.

im going to stab you two someday

Hey Kotetsu and Izumo, you look a little different than before.

We have evolved.

Bask in our splendor.

I hope you’re strong.

Pfft.

Child’s play.

OWWW!!!

heheheheheheheheheh

Oh my god these Zetsus are pathetic!

But also seriously wtf! How could they just bl0w up an explosive tag in my face liek that!

That’s a Konohamaru thing to do! Now I’m gonna die of lung cancer!

gently caress you Zetsu!!

lmao

Yo, chill.

Like, we got this.

Heh.

You’re welcome.

...I never thought I’d see the day that a White member of the KKK would put up in the fetal position.

...where did that come from?

I was *cough* *h@ck* reading all the clues that you collected for me.

You opened up all those scrolls behind our backs?

Dude, not cool. Don’t go progressing the plot all on your own.

hey man im high rn *cough*

i can barely even see let alone read

so don’t trust anything i say lmao

*cough*

God.

He’s SCROLLin’ along at his own pace, man. If you aren’t keeping up that’s on you.

Your puns are getting poo pooier as the series continues.

...I’m running out of ideas man. Cut me some slack.

...get it because ninjas use kunai and they CUT–

You tried.

...and so I went up to Zetsu said to him, “wassup my n!::a!”

And he just straight up punched me in the face!

Even though I’m a minority! I have a ! word pass!

...yes Kisame, of course I said this to the BLACK Zetsu! I wanted to befriend him!

If I said it to the white one he would’ve tried to lynch me or something!

...neither of them believe me when I say that I’m an African American just like them…

...wait, what do you mean White Zetsu isn’t bla–

It’s our time to shine.

...plop ploop.

god you two are loving douchebags

E-eh?????

Wtf is going on here????

Allow us to introduce ourselves.

We wield our lances unlike no one else.

Our hard shafts penetr@te the deepest and most wet of holes.

You’re lucky we’ve lubed up our swords before stabbing you.

And it seems…

...we’ve caught you with your pants down.

Pft.

Tch.

Oh, of COURSE you attack ME first.

This is just because I'm black, isn’t it?

a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online Shippuden

Episode 19 - Godtetsu and Izugod

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE… (INSIDE THE BOUNTY REDEMPTION CENTER)

hello, this is microsoft tech support, thank you for calling

you’re talking to alex wilson how can i help you

Hi, I was wondering if I could get a job at your call center?

...excuse me?

you want job?

i mean why can’t you ask the manager?

sir I saw that the requirement to work there is that you need to have a small pee-pee

but I have a huge gently caressing peepee which means I’m not applicable for the job

so can you guys make an exception for me? i mean its like 18 inches long, its gently caressing ENORMOUS

hey wait a mi–

YOU CAN HANG UP THE CALL NOW

DONT WASTE MY TIME I AM AT MY JOB

It’s not your job, jackbut.t.

Scamming isn’t a job.

ok if you are so much bigger person then provide me a legal job then

why cant you just do that?

Well sir, I CAN give you a job.

The job is, every time I take a poo poo, you just come and wipe me.

yo–

will you take that job?

I will charge you one dollar, that’s out of your cash range

$1 per wipe then?

Is that okay sir? One dollar per wipe?

*snickering*

It’s a dollar out of your HEART so you can hang up the call now sir

No sir, I’m–

or you can gently caress YOURSELF

No sir, I’m trying to offer you a job–

*hangs up*

...God, what happened to not oppressing minorities?

You be quiet.

We’re raising awareness of the oppression of minorities by doing this.

...yah… whatever you say.

Thanks y'all. Appreciate the love.