you know, hart to hart, I suddenly realized I'm a gutless perfectionist... sigh.. it's tough being a lover of art,

and a lover of people, coz you just want to stand that far away so that you can enjoy the view.

oh well, at least today I learned another important thing about myself, and my own expectations.

i've miss so many opportunities, because somehow somewhere I was looking for something else.

still remember once a girl came into my room asking me to help her in maths during uni days.

i did exactly that and she left. it was weird, coz it just felt too good to be true. i made no move then.

was i always like that? was I? another time a girl at burger king kept smiling so sweetly..

then once my friend's *ce ask me to help do her a favor, we went to that burger joint..

and guess what, i think that burger king girl didn't smile as sweetly anymore.

now that i recall thou the best days are those in secondary school, but i was good boy..

and every one said to focus on studies, and i did just that =( I must be the *est kid around *.

Maybe it was the way I was brought up, but I was taught not to cry at a very young age,

I was always building my own empire around guys, acting like a team player even thou i'm just a midget

so i never did cry, i always stay clam, stay sharp.. my dad used to jeer at me for losing at chess then cry when i was young.

since then I'm too clam maybe.. it may seems like I am winning my matches, that even girls would come challenge me,

and yet, in fact, I was losing em all. well, advice for those of you going to be parents,

don't hurt your children when they are young. it will leave a lasting mark,

that they might need a long time to untie that trauma. or be push to do the unthinkable,

Idk if i am an exception, my real name is often translate into "prideful healer/governor" in my native tongue

and i was always taught to rely on my self, that the world my dad grew up in was cruel,

my whole life revolved around trying to understand why the world is in so much chaos, ow to make it better, can I even fix it.

trying to set things straight, but i was wrong, the only thing i really need to set straight was myself. =(

well, my sappy story ends here, then.. i gonna fix myself good again.. better late than never.

i'll be gaming as usual on my server, so i guess I catch up with some of yall on forum after a long break!

I am sorry i wasn't really trying to advertise myself really for those of you who thought so,

I am just being an egoistic perfectionist gamer prick after all.

(but i guess yall already know, oh well, my personal will of fire.. is nothing but a midget's dream)

but I know somehow somewhere, where my story cannot continue, someone's else one is just about to unfold.