*cough muck* *cough* *cough* *cough*

Okay, I think I’m done. Anyways-

*cough* *wheeze* *therp*

Dude, stop already!

Fine.

Anyways, does anyone else feel like they need to leave?

WHY WOULD WE LEAVE WHEN WE CAME SO FAR?

Because these fights are gonna be pretty dangerous and there will probably be some people who get killed.

AND THE WINNER GETS TO BE MY PROTEGE!

I’m out.

Screw that!

That was a big disappointment!

I’d rather be making dead 2000s references than that.

One of the great Dosu Kinuta’s bodyguards… seen with THAT GUY? No way!

Yaaaay!

YOU BUNCH OF WIMPS THAT’S IT NOW NOBODY CAN LEAVE

Okay, so let’s get on with it. We’re gonna decide the matches with this computer.

Wait, we have computers?

Apparently we have refridgerators and headsets too… and, you know, weird scroll summony thingies?

So are we in the current time, or… WHEN IN THE HELL ARE WE?

I am so stealthy. No one can possibly guess that I’m really Orochimaru in disguise.

Hey, Orochimaru! We’re getting Chinese, want any?

I AM NOT OROCHIMARU! I AM… UM… STEVEN! VIPER!

Okay then Steven Universe, would you like some Chinese?

...yes. Panda express.

anyway. our first match will be…

Uhh, who the gently caress is Yoroi?

fodder guy on kabutos team

HEY! No Naruto character is fodder! Everyone is important!

except yoroi

hehe

wait dosu why does yoroi have torune aburame’s sprite

Because the Spriter’s Resource doesn’t have those Generic Sound Guys.

So I had to improvise.

This is high effort photoshop man. Don’t complain.

fiiine

Hey there, Sasuke. Do you know who I am?

Do I Care?

Hehe, that name drop.

You should! My name is *Mihai and I’m that guy who dissed Dosu like last week!

HEY DOSU

dude what the frick are you doing

...Okay, look man.

This is called a SATIRE, right?

So

We poke fun at things. It’s all in good fun.

And

I can’t think of a joke for this guy except something like this.

...if we get in trouble for this it’s so your fault

Look, man. I believe that every character is destined for a niche. Some characters are destined to suk! And it’s your goddrat job, Sasuke Uchiha, to get stronger in order to beat these characters no matter what.

I can’t see someone like you, an important character, getting ownzored by a loser filler fodder idiot like Dosu Kinuta.

So I’m gonna have to step in and change the tides, and make you be able to beat Dosu with ease JUST LIKE YOU SHOULD!

ACTIVATE! POWER BEAM ARM HAND THINGY!

Dude, what the gently caress are you on?

Bugs.

Why do you think my sprite is Torune Aburame?

AAAAAAAETHLIASDGHOWLARSDLKGCH

...hey wait that actually feels good! I feel stronger! WOOHOO–

PROVE IT TO ME! BEAT ME UP SO THAT I CAN SEE YOU ARE STRONGER! THEN I WILL KNOW THAT YOU CAN WIPE THE FLOOR WITH THOSE DUMB FODDER SOUND NINJA!

DO IT! DO IT RIGHT NOW! DO ITTTTT!

...I think I should be concerned about you.

PROVE IT TO ME! I NEED PROOF THAT DOSU KINUTA SU3KS!

NOWWWWWW!

Wait a minute, aren’t YOU a filler sound fodder ninja too?

...

Whatever, Idontcare.

Hey look, another name drop.

Time to try out my new skills mcwhillz!

Main Character Style: Fodder Barrage!

HURK

...Dude Dosu, what the gently caress is that?

Uh… the spriter’s resource?

No, I mean why...

Why is the sound effect “George R.R. Martin”?

Uh…?

...I’m so firing you after the Dosu arc.

You’re gonna get us in so much trouble it’ll be ridiculous.

...Is it because I’m a Dosu extremist?

You can’t discriminate based on belief!

We are NOT taking this conversation that way. Let’s just continue on.

Isn’t this kind of unfair? I mean I’m kinda fighting a guy with no arms.

Hey Zaku, wanna buy some bugs? It’ll even the odds. You’ll feel like a new man!

What’s the matter? Chicken? You afraid to fight me?

*chicken noises*

No, that’s not it.

Want some seed Mr. Chicken?

Seriously, stop it.

Better watch out for Colonel Sanders, Shino!

No. Really.

Maybe this is why I can actually cause a combo in this game with my Standard Attack, unlike you!

Well at least I survive past the second story arc in this show!

At least I’m not forgotten about through pretty much the entirity of Shippuden!

Ouch.

BURRRRRRRN

...

That.

Was a low bl0w.

It’s not like you have anything to say about it.

Mr. Glorified FODDER.

...that was hurtful man.

That wasn’t cool.

...you’re making me flash back to my childhood! Noooo! The traumas… nooo!

SOME TIME AGO...

There’s the little brat! Get him!

Hah! It’s useless to run! You saw your casting role. You’re a useless fodder character.

And everyone knows those guys always die.

I don’t ever want to see your face around here again!

An important background character like me can’t be seen @ssociating with filth like a FODDER CHARACTER!

*cry* *sob*

Hey kid.

You look like you get picked on a lot.

*sniff* yeah these guys in my neighborhood keep saying i’m a useless fodder character

and they punch me and kick and call me mean names

like “glorified fodder”

and “bl0w dryer”

Really? Well come with me kid. At Oro’s Dojo we’ll teach you all about how to defend yourself from bullies!

And I’ll make you into my Star Pupil! Whaddaya say? All you need to do is follow my student creed: never give up!

Huh? You mean… so you believe me? You think I’m not useless fodder?

...Uh...

I have candy, too. Want some candy?

Oh boy, candy!

PRESENT DAY

...are you crying?

*sniff* *sob*

*cry*...hey wait a minute, I never got that candy!

HEY OROCHIMARU, WHERE’S THAT CANDY YOU PROMISED ME FIVE YEARS AGO?

FOR THE LAST TIME, MY NAME’S STEVEN!

You know, if you take some bugs everything will be okay, right?

Huh?

Just… one small payment and the bugs are yours.

R-really?

Will it help me get over my t-traumas?

Will it make me into a stronger man? Something more than just f-f-f-f-ffodder?

Do you wanna buy the bugs or not?

Uhm…

I… it sound sketchy. Plus, I don’t do drugs. I know Dosu would be disappointed in me if I did!

Too late lol

Huh?

While you were having a flashback I put bugs inside of your arms.

Don’t forget, ask your doctor before taking bugs.

Side effects are uncommon, and may include headache, nausea, vomiting, death, dizziness, dysentery, cardiac arrhythmia, mild heart explosions, varicose veins, darkened stool, darkened soul, lycanthropy, trucanthropy, more vomiting, arteriosclerosis, diabeetus, virginity, mnild discomfort, vampirism, gender impermanence, spontaneous dental hydroplosion, sugar high, even more vomiting, brown, your mom, and mild rash.

Oh yeah, and spontaneous explosion of the arms.

...Maybe it was a bad idea to take those bugs then…? Um…

SORRY NO REFUNDS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Proctor. I demand medical attention for Zaku. Immediately.

Wait.

What could be more important than my COMRADE’S LIFE? He’s BLEEDING OUT FOR gently caress’S SAKE!

Shino. You attacked him during a FLASHBACK?

It technically wasn’t an attack?

Dude, that is so not cool.

I would disqualify you RIGHT THIS INSTANT if it wasn’t such a good day outside.

...we’re inside a building.

Who cares. Shino, be grateful. I’m letting you win here.

But… aren’t we supposed to be ninja?

PROCTOR CALL THE GODdrat MEDICAL TEAM RIGHT NOW!

Fine, fine. You don’t have to rush, j3rk.

Hi, I guess I’m the medical team?

Sure, whatever. We just get pigeonholed into whatever NPC role they need us for anyways, so might as well roll with it.

...Jeez, what happened to this guy. No more high fives for him, I guess.

Hehehe.

Alright next match.

(actual dialogue)

Lemme do you a favor and end this battle quickly.

You can’t END it if EYE end it FIRST.

Really, that’s your comeback line?

Well EYE thought it was clever. IS THAT OK?

Yeah… No.

WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE EYE HAVE YOU IN MEYE GRASP–

Hey Dosu, where’s the poorly photoshopped cinematic with Naruto Online sprites for this match?

Well, uh…

The Spriter’s Resource doesn’t have Kankuro.

Or the generic Sound guy I was gonna use for Misumi.

So I got nothin’.

Ya serious? Well that makes this match literally one of the worst ones.

Besides Sakura and Ino of course.

Don’t worry Sasuke. I’ve done this plenty of times before. You have NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

Let’s see…

Creepy rear end summoning circle?

Check.

Underage boi with shirt off? Check.

Creepy Michael Jackson lookalike who likes little boys?

Crap. Where am I gonna get one of those?

Hey Kakashi.

Sweet!

Oh wait that’s Orochimaru. Crap.

Haha! That’s right. And I’m going to take Sasuke away, and there’s nothing that can stop me from–

OH CRAP! Ed, Edd n’ Eddy’s on next. I have to go watch that! I can’t let myself get behind on my quality TV.

See ya.

Byo~

a derps life and Do I Care? - “Let’s Play” Naruto Online

(Stylized like a Poorly Censored Satire)

Written by Do I Care? & a derps life

You know what’s actual bull poo poo?

Idontcare had only ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE in this episode.

That’s bull.

He’s the MAIN CHARACTER for government’s sake.

ya know doicare, this is also the part where he’s watching the chunin exams

so he probably was just laughing as that guy got his arms bl0wn off

imeanit’snotlikehe’sagoodpersonoranything

What was that?

nothing